Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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