the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My ass is underappreciated
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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