I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
