one two three fourrrrnication!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
