sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
