can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
