we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
