You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
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