just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
