The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
