Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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