So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
