Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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