3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
