Say something about gay babies.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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