I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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