just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
