why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize