I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
