I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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