i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
