Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
