i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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