I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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