I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize