They should really pass out barf bags in church
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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