Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
