the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
