you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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