You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
