its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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