I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
