My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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