Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
