I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
