My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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