sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
