Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
