I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
