I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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