So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
