Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
