Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
