Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
