guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
