my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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