Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
