I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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