Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
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What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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