i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
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Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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