Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
