never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
