Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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