i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
as a side note pls kill me
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
