no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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