check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
