Pappa wants mamma naked
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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