if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
