I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
