Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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