dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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