I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
this boner is exhausting
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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