I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
