A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
