I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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