i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
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When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I will pee on everything he values.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
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it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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