Buhtt sex?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
