I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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