never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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