I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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