Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
