I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
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